A message to my brother

Hey Tommy! I just wanted to let you know how much I have been thinking about you tonight. For a friends going away party, we saw a movie with tons of violence and stabbing in it. It hurts my heart so much to watch those kind of movies. I know it's fake, but I know for you it wasn't. You had your life stolen in a very cruel and unfair way, and even though I couldn't have done anything, I'm SO sorry! I have been crying for 3 solid hours from massive guilt and sadness. I feel so much guilt that I couldn't help you, and that I'm getting to live my life, and I wake up everyday with sadness that I'll never get to have my big brother around no matter how many shooting stars I wish on, how many times I drive through the tunnel going to Denver and back while holding my breath or how many coins I toss in fountains. Wishing on 11:11 doesn't work either. A few weeks back, we were talking about forgiveness in bible study. You're supposed to forgive, but I just can't forgive that person who took you away so soon. I wish I could spend just one day with you here on earth, but I know it isn't possible. I know we'll meet again when my time comes, then we can run up the highest mountains and I'll never get tired! My time could very well be any day. I don't know if you have been watching, but the doctors are telling me that my heart could kill me at any moment, and there's really no way to prevent it. But until my time, I love it when you come visit me in my dreams and when you come visit during those days where I'm just having so much fun and I wish you there. I feel you there in spirit, especially snowboarding. I'm the black sheep and the odd ball of the family who learned to snowboard, and somehow I have a feeling that you would have loved it just as much as I do. Thank you for watching over me, and I'm sorry that you're probably face palming 24/7. Between you, grandma and grandpa Newman, it must be hard work to watch over me. I can't wait to see y'
all in heaven and then you wont have to work so hard for me anymore. I love you so much!

Waving the white flag is not easy!

So much has happened since I last updated! Summer is now coming to an end, and even though I wasn't able to be sailing and chased down by a bunch of kids at camp, it was definitely a memorable one, both good and bad. I spent half of it recovering from surgery, so it definitely feels like it should still be July. I got to go home for a visit a few weeks ago, and to be honest, I wanted to stay. It's been such a rough summer and I didn't want to come back because I knew it would continue to be rough and challenging. I have a very physically and mentally demanding job here, and I just recently took on a second job taking care of a 3 month old. It's great pay, but how did I think I was feeling 100% better and that I could handle constantly working with no rest? Don't get me wrong, only a few days and I already love that little girl! I'm just at a point where I don't want to be around people at all, and there's too many at the ranch.  I've even avoided friends. I'm shutting everything and everyone else out. At the same time, I can't stand being alone. It's a literally a battle between my physical wellness and what makes me happy, and quite frankly, I hate it. I don't want to be around anybody but close friends and family because I'm just too tired and exhausted. Tired of faking the energy and smiles when I just really feel like passing out and throwing up. Tired of apologizing when I can't finish a sentence because I'm out of breath. Tired of not being able to keep up, not being able to do my job very well, and just in general feeling so lousy all the time and having to make excuses because everybody here quit caring long ago. The dream was to just keep traveling and wandering. The only thing I ever really dreamed of was cutting off all ties, jumping on a moving train, and exploring wherever I ended up. I guess the word would be disappearing. I've always been a wanderer, and now I feel like I'm being chained up again. Who would have ever guessed that the place I ran away from would be the place I really only want to be right now? Who knew the place I escaped to and called heaven was going to end up holding me captive? I just don't know anymore, I'm seriously making a decision between my physical health and my mental health. I'm definitely not staying home for long if I do go back, I need the independence and freedom. I've always made the decision to never let my physical problems get the best of me, but now that they have, I've just never felt so lost before in my life. It would be so much easier if this was a temporary illness. But it's not, it's life long and not getting any better. It is what it is, and right now I think the best decision (if I don't get the nanny job full time) is to go home for a while and just rest, and decide what the next step would be.

White flag- I made the decision to just let my body decide for its self if it wanted to give up. I lost weight, couldn't eat, I'm not even bothering letting anybody know if I feel bad unless I can't work. It's slowly but surely listening. That was not the easiest decision, I cried and prayed about it for weeks. But even though I call myself iron man, even though everyone who knows me tells me that I'm stronger than most, I'm only human and can only stay strong and fight for so long. So physically, yes I am waving the white flag. I'd rather be stronger mentally and spiritually, so I'm focusing on that so that I might be able to still physically fight again. Any questions and input is definitely welcome, and prayer is for sure welcome!

 At the train tracks at grandma's and grandpa's. Someday I'll jump on the train.

 Dad and me

 Me and grandpa

 Me and grandma

 Mom, me and Aunt Slyvia

 Izzy, still her auntie's girl

 cranky little princesses

Playing in the waterfall after I got back.

Scars and a Princess Room

Well I ran into a new challenge that never even crossed my mind until today. Finding tank tops and swim suits that hide my scar :( I was super excited to get some new clothes because of all of my old ones being too big. The challenge was always "makes me look too fat, my arms look disgusting, I look pregnant" negative things like that. I tried on this really cute halter dress that I found, and I felt good and was even twirling in front of the mirror. Then I suddenly saw the scar, very visible and very gross looking. It felt like a major slap in the face. I just wanted to cry and put my plain t shirt back on right away. If I wore that dress in public, I'd get stares and questions. It was a moment of weakness, and I ended up not getting the dress anyways. But then I had a revelation. Scars don't mean weak, in fact they're battle scars! I'm fighting a tough battle, and all the scar means is physical proof of fighting it. I got a scar on my face when I was 9 from climbing on the roof and falling off onto a ladder. A jagged piece of it sliced open my cheek. To this day I still have it, and I usually don't get questions about it anymore, but I love dressing up like a pirate because of it! Point is, I would be happy if they weren't there, but I can't make them disappear, so now I can make up cool stories about getting into fights with pirates. I'm good at making up stories! When I was 17, I had to wear a monitor at school, and I had some of the other students believing that it was a high tech cell phone that I needed to communicate with the CIA about area 51 because of some ufo evidence I came across while vacationing and getting stranded in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico. I told them that we were trying to contact the "others" and suddenly I had students I didn't even know coming up to me asking about it and asking if I knew what was in area 51 and how come it's so top secret. I eventually told the truth though. It's so much fun though! I don't mind it so much anymore, in fact at dinner, one of our internationals asked if she could see it. I think it's kinda cool when people ask about it. 

So moving on, after beating myself up and blaming myself for something beyond my control (I'm actually learning how to have more confidence and appreciation of myself!), I found a really princessy canopy and some sparkly pink stars. So I came back and turned my room into a princess room! I'm still not finished with it, but I thought I'd share what I have so far. Suggestions are definitely welcome! (No there ISN'T too much pink). 

 My bed, with the canopy I found at the thrift store! Also, my magic wands, books, get well balloon, unicorn music box, and you can't really see it, but my tiara is on the lamp. 

 My front door, I made all the girls in the dorm a princess picture. My friend Laura wrote my name on my board, and the stars are wrapped around the curtain. Looks better in person. 

Pay no attention to the clothes. All of these stuffed animals were gifts! I also love my pink rhinestone cowgirl boots and hat!

You're as Brave as a Button!

I just want to mention my super awesome best friend, Laura! She has been here for me through everything, and still continues to be. I know it isn't easy to be friends with somebody who is sick, but she has told me that God gave us our best friends to help us carry our burdens. She stayed with me after the surgery, and helped me do the things that were impossible at the time, walking, sitting up, brushing my hair, even spending the night for a few nights. When I became discouraged and terrified and overwhelmed, she stayed up just crying with me. I had questions that neither of us could answer, and it was difficult for both of us I'm sure. I was reassured that I'm not alone through all of this. When we went to Winter Park to play, she even made sure to stay behind me on the slides, that way nobody would run into me. I could have fun and be safe at the same time!

Before I went in for surgery, we went to see our 2nd mom here, Kathe, and we were pretty much just saying goodbye, chatting and laughing and being silly. The surgery subject came up, and Kathe was just reminding me that I'm strong and brave, and I'll get through like a champion. Then out of the blue.. "Yea Danielle, you're as brave as a button!" I don't know where it came from, but it made us all laugh. It's an inside joke now, whenever I get discouraged or scared, "remember, you're as brave as a button!" It makes me laugh and I feel better.

While I have my best friend with me through this whole mess, I just have to say, I'm surrounded by amazing people! My friend Nicole went with me to the hospital for the procedure, she drove to and from without any sleep, she stayed there with me while I was fighting with the nurses, and drugged up and confused. Last night I passed out and went to her. She stayed with me, and her and one of our co-workers made me go to the ER. 

When I say I'm surrounded by amazing people, I truly mean it. I was always scared to let anybody in on my condition, but here I can be totally honest and open about it. Everyone asks me everyday how I feel, and I love that they understand that I can't stay cooped up. They know that I know my own limits, and they respect that and still allow me to be myself and have fun! I have so many 2nd mothers here, even my own mother told me about it when she came for a visit! I absolutely love how my closest friends and my best friend make me laugh when I feel bad. Just last night at the hospital, my friends were playing with the medical equipment. 

At one of my cardiologist and CT appointments a few months back, Laura went with me, so of course we were goofing off. We had an older guy with us, and I handed him cuddles (the unicorn) so we could go skipping down the hallway with linked arms. We embarrassed him, but it was funny! At the doctors, we were playing salad fingers with the gloves (another inside joke) and Laura sat on the exam table holding cuddles. When my doctor came in, she was very confused (I didn't see, but apparently she had a very confused look). The whole time my doctor was examining and talking, we were just cracking up for no reason. Even when the nurse was trying to draw blood, we couldn't even look at each other. The doctor even mentioned that I was definitely not in any distress on my summary, and she mentioned that me and my friend were laughing through the whole visit. We joke about it now that she made it into a doctors report without being a patient. I'm very well known in the cardiology department, and the doctor and nurse love me. My other friends that have accompanied me to appointments find it hysterical that they know me so well. And because I love to make others laugh, that's a great feeling!

I don't know why I wrote, I just feel very grateful and surrounded by love. I absolutely love it here. I love that when times get dark and discouraging, like last night, it always gets better just by being surrounded by friends. Last night it was the hospital, tonight it was standing around a campfire with friends singing swing low, I'll fly away, and total eclipse of the heart, very dramatically I might add. It's a weekly thing, we get so into the singing, last week it was herman the worm and lean on me. There's clapping and dancing and shouting, and it's just so fun and for a little while, I forget that anything is even wrong. And I got to come back from campfire and laugh even more at my best friends role playing a parent and a kid trying to explain to the kid why she should eat the carrot she made into a bear (which looked like a frog to me). It involved bears needing to hibernate, and how this particular bear/carrot wouldn't be waking up since he'd be chewed into a million pieces. Idk, just little random ridiculous moments shared with my friends, that's really whats keeping me going and helping me to stay strong and happy.

 Nicole and I being goofy

My birthday

Our bff picture from Florida

 Because we're totally awesome and wanted to sleep in a fort instead of a bed.

Snow mermaids! Our last day for the season.

Even if the Healing Doesn't Come

Ok, I know I've been quoting song titles a lot. I just have so much on my mind, a wake up call.

So first of all, I had my incision check appointment on Tuesday. Leave it to me to not stay in bed during recovery and rip open part of the incision.. anyways, it's a little infected, but they taped me back up and told me to come back in a week if it wasn't better. I figured out where the monitor is located, and quite frankly, I don't like it. I can feel it and it hurts when I touch it! I'm still very iffy about doing certain things, still can't jump or run. Even bending down the wrong way makes me nervous. I can finally sleep on my stomach again though!

Here's the deal. I have got the greatest friends in the world! I know I talk about them a ton, but since I can't be home with my real family, they have stepped in and become my surrogate family. I've even been told that there's probably not a person on campus who doesn't know who I am! I've gotten better physically, well better as in back to my pre-surgery state. But mentally and emotionally, not so great. I've always had this problem, but it never occurred to me just how serious it is.

I don't know what happened, but suddenly my heart was freaking out on me and I felt that I was just getting hit with so many bricks and just couldn't carry those bricks anymore. It's not easy to stay strong and play normal when you wake up everyday just praying for enough strength to get you through the day without passing out. Or praying for peace of mind not worrying that your heart is going to kill you suddenly. "What if I'm working the zip line and I just suddenly pass out?" It wont happen, I have such amazing and understanding co-workers and supervisors and they always make sure I'm ok, and even though I've lied in the past and said I'm just fine when I was so dizzy and my heart was racing, I've come to terms that when it comes to work, I have to know and stay within my limits for the safety of others.

So on Monday night, I decided at midnight that I had a lot of extra energy, so just me myself and I went on a midnight hike up 9 mile mtn. I had planned on just staying a few minutes, so I came back to my room, then guess what?? I realized that I left my phone at the top. So in just one night, I hiked a mountain twice, and I even got to stay up and watch the sunrise! And another moment when I was proud of myself was yesterday. I love working the zip line! It's very physical, and since I'm not allowed to belay again for a while, I've been working at the ladder. Yesterday, one session was completely full, so it was literally climb up the ladder, get the person unclipped, climb down the ladder, yell commands so the next person could come down, move the ladder to the other side, and climb again to repeat. Not one break, it was scorching outside, and I had no water since I was just a fill in, and I wasn't prepared. But I even got a compliment from my co-worker who was at the top. He told me I was killing it out there and I looked great, he had to question whether or not I was completely healed or not though. I love proving that I actually have strength! 

 But getting back on track, I just felt horribly depressed and overwhelmed suddenly that day. I was even going into that state of mind thinking myself as "worthless" and thinking that maybe it would be better if I could just die now. Before it got out of hand, I called my bff and she came over. We stayed up about 6 hours that night just talking and crying. I spilled everything I was terrified of. I was scared to death when I had my procedure done! Some of those questions they asked.. "Would you rather be buried or cremated?" "Since your family isn't here, who would claim your body?" "Are you willing to be an organ donor?" and the anesthesiologist explaining everything that could go wrong.. "We need your consent to accept a transfusion, because you could bleed out during the procedure." "Do you have dental insurance? Because there's a chance that you could stop breathing and we would have to shove a tube down  your throat." I explained open heart surgery and how it's done. After talking about how nobody is normal, every trait we have is hand chosen by God, the question I asked really hit her hard, and I felt so bad. "Why did God choose me to be sick?" At that point she said she didn't know, collapsed onto my shoulder and was crying even more than I was and I have never seen her cry that much. I asked her why she was so upset and the answer she gave me just broke my heart. "I just wish God would heal you." She was so emotional as we talked about why I choose to live fearlessly and taking risks, and how the only reason I'm not ready to die is because of how it's going to effect my family and friends. I got a smile though when I said that God made me a sapphire so I could fight this fight! She reassured me that I'm not alone in this battle. God gave us friends to help us carry our burdens. Even when I was just overwhelmed and crying about how nobody understands, she told me she was feeling the emotional pain. I never wanted her, or anybody to feel any of it. But our talk made me realize something.


I've been super selfish. It does affect me the most, obviously, but I had no idea how much my being sick hurts my friends. Even saying something really sarcastic, like after a long day of work, "ok I'm gonna go curl up and die now." Of course I mean nothing by it, but it hurts them because it's a reality that could happen, and they don't want it to happen. After mine and Laura's talk, and realizing how much it affects those that I'm closest to, I've decided I'm going to do something drastic. I'm going to slow down a little bit and take care of myself. By taking care of myself, I mean listening to doctors, not ignoring pain, not insisting that I'm fine when I'm laying on the ground fading in and out desperately trying to stop myself from completely passing out, and staying in the limits. I just said I'm not scared to die, I never said I wanted to, or that I was ready. Mine and Laura's SMR mom, Kathe, even said that we were going to be best friends for life, and that she totally knows that we're going to embarrass our kids and husbands with our craziness. I mean, I still have a lot of traveling to do before I settle down, or even if I ever do. But it's definitely very hopeful thinking about the future! Although as of right now, I could definitely see myself settling down here. Texas will always be number 1 to me, but Colorado has welcomed me with open arms and become home.

Another thing is weighing heavily on my mind tonight. After listening to my other bff talk, it made me realize how much more selfish I am. The talk was basically "God can't heal everyone, it would make the world too easy." All I've been doing is praying and asking friends to pray for healing. Some family back home even spreads it around to pray that the doctors find nothing. Honestly, praying for nothing is not what I need. I know and the doctors know there's something serious wrong, and not finding anything only slows down finding the right answer. It's frustrating to me, and to my doctors. But honestly, she got me thinking. I know I always complain about how much I hate living like this, and how much I wish I was well enough to keep up with the friends here. But honestly, I'm starting to come around to the idea of being this way. It might sound very prideful, but it absolutely positively makes me and my heart smile when I get comments on how strong and inspiring I am. It makes me want to keep going and fighting. Every time I'm introduced to somebody new by friends, it usually starts out with "oh my gosh, this girl is amazing!" One of my new but close friends here, Heather, has her story about me that she likes to share with everyone. I don't remember this at all because I was just a few hours out of anesthesia and drugged up on morphine. But apparently when I got back to SMR, she asked me how I was doing, and she had I had the most pouty face and said very angrily "they cut me!" If I can inspire others and make others laugh by just being myself, maybe I don't have a big purpose in life that I need to fulfill. Maybe my purpose is to inspire, encourage, and bring laughter through a dark situation. I honestly don't know. I just need to stop praying and hoping for healing, because I don't have control. Maybe I wasn't meant to be healed, as much as my best friend wished for it, I don't think it'll happen. I'm just learning to accept it. I think for the most part I already have, it just means that I have to live life to the fullest and make each passing moment count for something good. 

                                               
                         Heavenly sunrise from my 2 in one night hike!

Live Like You Were Dying

I always knew from the moment that I could understand that I had a heart defect, that my life wouldn't be normal. I never saw myself growing up, I always somehow had the intuition that I was going to die young. Now that intuition has become a reality. I'm not saying that I'm going to die, just that it's very possible now. I have a ventricular tachycardia caused by my leaking pulmonary valve. I was struck with the news that I was about to go into heart failure back in November, but then told that if I kept up with the specialist and took care of myself, it wouldn't happen for a long time. I never really thought much of it.

 Now fast forward to May. I was referred to an electrophysiologist after numerous ER visits and being drugged up for anxiety and having nothing work. I was told at that appointment that because my right ventricle is enlarged, due to the leaking, it's causing an abnormal heart beat. I was not allowed to leave Colorado, they scheduled a catherization procedure immediately. He told me straight out, because I've been having dizzy and fainting spells at the same time as the abnormal uncomfortable racing and pounding, it can be fatal and next time could be cardiac arrest. I honestly wish I hadn't been alone at that particular appointment. I usually always have a friend or 2 with me, and my big stuffed pink unicorn named Cuddles. In fact, all the cardiology doctors and nurses know me very well. My congenital specialist even told me she never knows what to do with me. Haha, I guess that's a good thing? Anyways, getting back on track.. I got the news and honestly the first thing that came to mind wasn't "I could die at any moment" it was the fact that I wouldn't be able to return to camp this summer. I was crushed. Death has never scared me, in fact I don't mind dying because I know that I'll be in heaven and I'll get to run and play with my brother and never grow tired or exhausted. Sleeping on the clouds would be very cool too! 

I had my procedure done just a little over a week ago, they did the catheter to see if they could find the abnormal rhythm, but they couldn't. So now I have a monitor in my chest. They cut me open just for a little device that may or may not help find the answer. I wasn't scared of the surgery. I was ready to get up and move around just minutes out of anesthesia. I wasn't allowed to move, but do I follow directions? Most of the time, no. I was trying to get up and walk around, and I had 2 nurses that had to restrain and hold me down so they could sedate me. I did throw a bit of a tantrum, but I was drugged, confused and tired of hospitals at that moment. Worst. Feeling. EVER! Not being able to move and having to be still. Not being able to do normal things and having to have the nurses spoon feed you. I was a little upset and overwhelmed because now I'm definitely not able to live a normal life, not that it was ever normal to begin with. I just want to be able to keep up with my friends, climb 14ers, go for hikes and not hold everyone back. I want to travel and be able to play with friends and not have them be careful around me. I'm tired of the "are you sure you can handle it?'s" I don't want to wear my best friend out anymore because she has to step in as the role of mom/caretaker. 

I was supposed to be on bed rest. The first night I was home, I couldn't even walk. Every little move I made felt like my incision was being ripped apart. I had to have my bff spend the night because I wasn't allowed to be left alone. If I moved my leg the wrong way, the vein they stuck the catheter in would cause me to bleed out. The next day, we spent the night at our other best friends house. I did good and stayed in bed watching movies, but then when they decided to go for a hike, I decided to take the bandage off my leg. BIG mistake! I wasn't supposed to be left alone, and I passed out and started bleeding. So there I am fading in and out on the bathroom floor, and next thing I know, my supervisor is there. It was a scare, it almost turned into another ER visit, but thank God I was able to talk to the nurse. So that afternoon after the scare, we had a water fight. I LOVE my friends, I mean I love them no matter what, but the fact that they let me make my own decisions and trust that I know my own limits, makes me so happy. If I were back home, I'd probably be locked in my room and miserable. So that same day, I got to go to a concert! I went with my bestie and some other staff, and they were so nice and helpful, I ended up having to climb 65 rows of stairs and I was miserable by the end of the night, but I'm glad I went. So for the next few days I did take it easy. Still had to have my friend help me walk around a lot (you can see why I wore her out now). But I started getting around on my own gradually. 

So today is 11 days post operation. I'm still very sore, my leg is very bruised and swollen still, and the chest incision hurts on occasion. I have never been so stir crazy in my life! A few days ago the bestie called me up and asked if I wanted to go play at Winter Park. It was SOOO awesome to get out and be in the sun! We got to play on the alpine slides, explore at the top of the mountain and have a snowball fight! She understands me, but still makes sure I'm ok and is willing to adapt in certain situations with me. That's probably why she's my best friend. But I was supposed to go back to work today, I haven't been able to get a release from the doctor, so because it's a liability issue, I'm not able to work without that note. It's very frustrating, I'm ready to go back to work! Right now, I've been cooped up and held back so much that I just want to go and run up a mountain, preferably a 14er. You can't keep a sapphire on bed rest! 

So anyways, what's the purpose of this blog? I honestly don't know myself. When I was 17, I was in the hospital going through numerous tests and just so overwhelmed. I wanted to be back at school with my friends. Then I heard the song "healing rain" by Michael W. Smith on the radio. That has been my go to song anytime I'm in the doctors office or the hospital. It's going to be a long road, I'm not off the hook yet, the monitor just means that they'll be able to (hopefully) get an asnwer soon. I can't say it's all going to be ok, as much as I wish I could. I just know that it's in God's hands, if that means finding the answer and getting all better, or not finding the answer and dropping dead, it just means that it was my time. I'm not scared at all. Either way, it's not quite a journey, but definitely a long road that I might need a little bit of support on. I just want to share, apparently I'm a little bit more loved than I thought, and I've had people ask me how it's going. So I can update while I'm miles from home. 

So I've had a few "go to" songs this past week. I was very discouraged because of things I would no longer be able to do (stunt flying). So for a few days I just played Martina Mcbride's "anyway" over and over and just cried while no one was around. Today, I couldn't stop listening to "live like you were dying" by Tim Mcgraw. Maybe it's the death of my cousin who was close to my age, maybe it's the reality that I could fall and not wake up at any moment, but that song just seems to be my philosophy on life right now. I want to sky dive, I have been rocky mountain climbing, but my goal is the highest peak in Colorado. I want to stay close to my friends, I want to master the terrain parks on my snowboard. I live without fear, and even though I really don't appreciate myself most of the time, that's one quality I actually like about myself, being fearless and perseverent. I've been called inspiring, incredible, and amazing. WHAT?? I didn't know just living my life would inspire my friends! There's a reason I'm so stubborn and hard on myself. I know my time might be a little bit sooner than almost everyone, so I want to be able to accomplish things. I drill sargent myself on hikes. "Don't be lazy, go this many more feet and THEN you can have a sip of water!" there's a reason for that. I know I can do it. The words "cant" and "never" don't exist in my world. The more I push, the stronger I get. I might be paying a price physically, but mentally, when I get to the top of that mountain after passing out, getting sick, having to use my inhaler and struggling to breathe, the feeling that I was able to do it is so much more rewarding! I've never backed down and gave up, I would have beat myself up with negativity if I had. My friend says that I wont back down on a challenge, and she's right. I plan on keeping it that way. 

So don't worry and please don't tell me that I can't do something! Those words hurt worse than any IV or incision. I was told that I shouldn't go on a staff hike up the smallest most mild mountain because I would hold everyone back, and that was a major slap in the face, but guess what? I was able to go and I didn't get tired and I didn't have to break as much! I'm ok though, I promise I know my limits and I'm following doctors orders (for the most part). I feel a lot better, and if I see a hospital or ER again, it'll be way too soon.    But I can't leave for awhile, so I would really love to have visitors! 

It begins.... (Laura gave cuddles an IV too) 

             

Water fight!

3 best friends, Laura, Arianna and me!

Me and my bff Laura, she was there taking care of me from the day I got home.

Hillsong concert at red rocks, day after surgery.

Resting like a good girl. They let me take Winter into the OR with me, she's been my inspiration!

Play time at Winter Park!

Me and Laura on the alpine slides!

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31