A message to my brother

Hey Tommy! I just wanted to let you know how much I have been thinking about you tonight. For a friends going away party, we saw a movie with tons of violence and stabbing in it. It hurts my heart so much to watch those kind of movies. I know it's fake, but I know for you it wasn't. You had your life stolen in a very cruel and unfair way, and even though I couldn't have done anything, I'm SO sorry! I have been crying for 3 solid hours from massive guilt and sadness. I feel so much guilt that I couldn't help you, and that I'm getting to live my life, and I wake up everyday with sadness that I'll never get to have my big brother around no matter how many shooting stars I wish on, how many times I drive through the tunnel going to Denver and back while holding my breath or how many coins I toss in fountains. Wishing on 11:11 doesn't work either. A few weeks back, we were talking about forgiveness in bible study. You're supposed to forgive, but I just can't forgive that person who took you away so soon. I wish I could spend just one day with you here on earth, but I know it isn't possible. I know we'll meet again when my time comes, then we can run up the highest mountains and I'll never get tired! My time could very well be any day. I don't know if you have been watching, but the doctors are telling me that my heart could kill me at any moment, and there's really no way to prevent it. But until my time, I love it when you come visit me in my dreams and when you come visit during those days where I'm just having so much fun and I wish you there. I feel you there in spirit, especially snowboarding. I'm the black sheep and the odd ball of the family who learned to snowboard, and somehow I have a feeling that you would have loved it just as much as I do. Thank you for watching over me, and I'm sorry that you're probably face palming 24/7. Between you, grandma and grandpa Newman, it must be hard work to watch over me. I can't wait to see y'
all in heaven and then you wont have to work so hard for me anymore. I love you so much!